Have you ever noticed that questions make you think? Some one will ask you a question and you’ll answer it as best you can and then go away for a bit and think about it some more. That’s when all the memories and experiences some gushing up from the holding tank that we mysteriously have some where inside us; hidden in the dark depths of our lives.

After some thought and a little walk though the emotions felt and thoughts allowed back then, I realize I may have answered a little differently; an after thought. That’s where my point comes to the surface. Why do I double think answers that I have given to the questions asked? Why do I wish I could turn back the clock and try answering that question again?

We live our lives as best we can, being who we are today, just for a time while we’re grow into who we’ll become tomorrow. Basically, it really doesn’t matter what others think of us but it is who we are that counts over all. People come and people go, and that’s ok. Friendship can last for a moment or for a life time, but what counts most is that we will always have to live with ourselves.

The judgments of others have power over us if we let them. It’s called peer pressure and it’s a big fat lie. You are an amazingly valuable person. You are important. You have so very much to offer to this world just by being who you are and not only by doing something that every one will see and gasp at, and though that’s a great thing if it’s possible, it’s not all you are nor is it all you’ll ever be. Just being you to someone like me, is the greatest gift of all. We are that gift to every one ever born, regardless of age, gender, religion, culture, or geographical location.

Chocolates are a lovely gift, so are flowers and many other things, but the greatest gift is you. Just be you and the world will be that little bit sweeter to lots of other people like me. Ohh, by the way, thank you for that. I will treasure it for ever…

There is a place between here and there where there’s a balance and respect for each other. To be honest, I can’t be sure anymore but there’s always hope isn’t there?

 

There are also so many things in this world that are aching to die – to end, and the really strange thing about that is that we hang on so tightly, our selfishness so hungrily, that we’d much prefer to see suffering than to allow those that suffer to just move on some how. Have you noticed that? I have, and though it seems cruel to put something that’s suffering, out of its misery, we do all we can do to ensure the suffering continues. Our excuses are very valid!

 

They sound like this…Ohh but I’ll miss them so much and they deserve to live longer, just stuff we’ve rationalized in our heads to justify our heartless cruelty. You see if I had a pet that was in such pain, I’d never want to see it die and I would certainly not want to be the one that put it down! I’d perhaps pay some one to do that for me but it would be so difficult and my emotions would be all about me. It’s just crazy!

 

It’s the same with some relationships too. Have you noticed that? I have...

I love a sunburned country

A land of sweeping plains

Of rugged mountain ranges

    

Of droughts and flooding rains

I love her far horizons

 

I love her jewel sea

Her beauty and her terror

The sun burned land for me

It’s dark, Sunday night, I’m alone and have no clue what to write so, here goes. Just fasten my seat belt and taking a deep breath. Our ‘yellow pages’ add says to – let your fingers do the walking – but I’m going to let them do some talking...

 

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The beat was loud in her head and the sound from the pressure was thumping in her ringing ears. Her hair was damp from sweat and the clammy wetness of her fevered skin created its own coldness; the uncontrollable and sometimes violent shivering was indeed frightening. Every inch of her body ached and the thin linen night shirt caused pain as her body, moving in rhythm of each breath, rub against the soft, light, slightly damp cloth.

 

He had found a chair and brought it up close to the bed, an urgent need to be near her side every waking moment. It had been days now, and apart from the occasional visit to the ensuite for personal reasons, he hadn’t left her. As his eyes surveyed her face noticing that her skin was now becoming grey in colour, and the features that he had imprinted on his mind now were becoming sullen and pained; occasionally it caused panic to rise and it took all he had to keep it together, to stay in control for the sake of the woman he loved, the one he had just found and now risked losing before he would ever see her smile, or the strength he knew nestled within her that would burn him through her eyes.

 

She could hear him speak and though couldn’t possibly know who ‘he’ was the deep tone of his voice lifted her spirit and somehow energized her to continue existing; to live. It wasn’t what he said, but that his sound and scent spoke to her from a familiar forgotten part of her past as though a loved one or long time friend had returned to her in her fevered dreams.

 

Days turned into weeks and the strange yet familiar man stayed by her side refusing to leave for fear of any decision made with out his consent. He had lied. It was a necessary lie but a lie none the less. He had proclaimed her his wife therefore assuring that she never be alone, and always have the authority to keep a close vigil on the around the clock care of his precious find. As he drifted in and out of slumber, he looked into the face of the one he had searched for all of his life, willing her to open her eyes and recognize him as the completion of her; the fulfillment of their existence on this planet at this time and place.

 

When that day came, their eyes locked for a long pause in time. No sound. Not even a breath or a blink, but oh the heart beat, oh the connection. He smiled into the deep expanse of her eyes and whispered hoarsely, “hello”. No reaction except that her eyelids closed and stayed locked down and panicking he leaned close to her ear and urgently whispered, “Hello”.  Slowly but deliberately, as his heart began to sink, when it all seemed over and done and the strength of his body and mind almost left him for dead…

 

She smiled….