And then there are feathers; soft and gentle. Isn’t it amazing how many colours there are just in the world of feathers? I remember growing up on the farm, we had chooks you see. Every morning we would go and feed the chooks what ever food scraps there were from the night before and they’d all come out of the shed and into the pen and peck and cluck, I assume enjoying their breky.

I remember finding the big feathers – collecting them and making pens. Messy, messy, messy; we young ones in our own little world of imagination. Ink splattered papers, furniture, floor, walls but in our world we were the messengers of knowledge, life and love! Why is it so few understand the truth of it; one of the many questions that will out live the test of time.

 

During the afternoon, we would let the chooks out of their pen. They were very orderly filing out in pecking order. Roaming, scratching, pecking, cooing and clucking; it’s a very in depth science this – being a chook - business! They would scour the green hills for treasures, all kinds of culinary yummies (chook kind of cause).

 

That’s when we searched the nesting boxes for treasure of a different kind - Warm, oval, treasures; the perfect natural treat. They were even wrapped in a shell so we wouldn’t get our hands all icky. Yum! I like scrambled eggs with diced bacon mixed in, and sweet, sweet tomato on the side. I don’t know if the chooks cared that we took their eggs, I didn’t ever wonder that. Just being a farm kid, I guess it was a given they laid their eggs for us. I guess it’s the same when we take people for granted – don’t you think? Well maybe not.

I used to love snuggling down in between the sheets in winter time cause that’s when we always had flannelette sheets. We didn’t have water bottles or electric blankets – no – we had flannelette sheets. Mmm soft and snugly! It’s autumn here and I’m so excited cause it won’t be long and we’ll be having flannelette sheets on our beds again.

 

*Gradually and tenderly a peaceful smile grows upon her lips as the warmth of memories and thoughts wash over her.*

 

It’s true you know, most often it’s the little things that mean so much…

 

Short bursts of breath floated away from my face. They were apparent now as the morning dawned, the crisp air misting the warm exhale from my lungs. There were trees everywhere and in the moist air, droplets of water have gathered on the webs created by those spiders that lie silently in wait for we who are blinded by the lack of light during the night. They stopped me. I was trying to find my way back as the light was fading but after walking into one of those webs, the panic forced me to stop and rest where I was. My whole body shudders at the thought of them and while slapping at my legs, panic rises again, but in the day light I can see that there is nothing where it feels there is something. The power of ones mind is amazing!

Carefully picking my way through the thick bush, I became increasingly grateful that I decided to change into some much more hardy cloths and shoes. I’ve been lost in here for days now and the tough trail boots along with the thick fabric of my slacks have protected me well from the harsh bush environment.

“Where am I?”

The question crept into my mind every now and again even though I refused to give it clearance to pass. On my second day of lost-ness, this question would recycle over and over and the faster the thought raced, the more fearful I became. Finally when I found myself exhausted and no more found than lost, I convinced myself to allow only friendly words into my conscious thinking. It helped my mind be calm but every so often a thought will escape and find its way into the front of my mind where it just did not need to be.

Whoever packed these back packs were brilliant! I must remember to thank them personally for being very insightful. The nut mix that I complained about earlier, has been a wonderful sustaining meal through the day. I realized that I may be lost in this think rain forest for some time and rationed the mix as best I could. During my days here in this land of green and damp, I made several mental notes to myself to learn more about native plants and their ‘edible statuses’ for my next trek into the unknown.

“If I survive this one that is.”

Another errand thought! Rogue! Get out of there!!

“I wonder where I am….”

Maybe – just maybe, change isn’t the end product. Just maybe it’s the beginning of the progress - a different tack in our life walk. Well – maybe...



Perhaps because it’s simply the ‘beginning’ and not the answer found, we hesitate, we fear. Our first step to realising the answer to our troubles – ‘change’ – makes us realise we need to be serious and committed to the first step, and then progress to the second and fight through the barriers to the third and so on through to the goal. Some of us become disappointed and discouraged that the first step didn’t ‘fix’ things, and was in fact the beginning – not the end.

When we have to face the truth of this very real fact, it’s then that we get kind of depressed, because it’s then that we realise – looking up to see where we’re going is a really good idea. That’s when – Ohh my goodness! – That’s when we can’t see the goal yet because we have such a long way to go. That’s when we have the internal and sometimes external ‘world war ii’ type battle and we have to say no to the little me that’s throwing a tantrum at the check out because she wants the lolly or the toy or what ever! Actually it’s the little me that doesn’t want to go to school, or come inside now because it’s bed time and very real challenges like that! They were real challenges back then and I still have challenges like that today.

I guess this is why we have to make daily habits of the changes we want to bring to our lives. I’ve been reading a blog and I think I’m learning stuff about my self that I could not possibly know otherwise. The habit is formed or created so that when I progress toward my goal, the next ‘first step’ of change, though still huge and still as much a challenge, but I will at least be aiming for my goal with the habits that I have put in place.

EG… If I have difficulty learning to drive a manual car, perhaps if possible, I could learn to drive in an automatic. Once I have the ‘driving’ thing down, then I may start practicing in a manual. Driving is a synch by then. The clutch – gear thingy is still just as challenging but I don’t have to concentrate so much on the actual driving things like, staying in my lane or checking the rear view mirrors – they have become habit or learned skills.

Ok, I guess that makes sense. So it takes little steps that we make every day to become habits or learned skills, small changes till we learn to be living in a way that’s good for us and our communities – our world. Well maybe – just maybe of cause.

Grief - It’s a barrier. So how do we deal with the grief that inevitably comes when we have to let go of our old lives and embrace the new? It can be paralysing and become a part of the shackle that chokes and destroys so much hope in and through out our lives. I need to think about that for a bit...

I choose to love you...

I hope you're able to listen to this song while you read - i love this tune! It's possible - i'm just silly enough to believe it!



She came into his life suddenly – unexpectedly. It was like cool drops of water into a pot of boiling oil. Probably a great light show if it were meteors invading the earths atmosphere but instead - personalities - and though not quite the same as planets colliding and such, quite entertaining none the less. I don’t think he realised just how proud he was or his weakness when feeling threatened. Hmm, all in all it was fun for some, and if that’s all it was for, then it was worth it.

She would fume and spit and spew at every little thing and he would sit back and wonder why this “thing” was in his world, waiting for the day when she would move along again, leaving peace and quiet once again. Tolerance is an ugly thing really. It prevents progress, and destroys lives, but the tolerant are being tolerant about it all. “It will pass”, they say as they try to avoid seeing and therefore feeling the need to do something about the ‘mess’.

“They” say that, “change isn’t change unless there’s change” and “if we continue to do the same thing all the time, why do we expect a different outcome?” Actually it seems to make sense don’t you think? Sometimes what ‘they’ say makes a lot of sense but for it to help at all, we still need to put changes into place.

For me to become fit, I would have to put changes into place, and LIVE them. To continue this change, I would have to make these changes habits. Ahh – here comes our first barrier. Once they become habits, they are no longer changes are they?

So what then? I have to think about that one…